I have a daily battle with both my daughters about organization. I back off most of the time and try to look at their positive contributions—despite anything they’ve ever done or not done, said or not said, they are my life and bring my more joy than I can explain. That doesn’t mean they don’t drive me crazy. My older daughter has moved out and can now irritate her roommates with her sloppiness and disorganization and it doesn’t affect me; however, my younger one remains at home and is a total slob. I’m in a precarious situation here because the issues with her are delicate and criticism from me isn’t met with gratitude, that’s for sure. Even the gentlest comments elicit a strong response and a bad attitude. I don’t want to have come this far with her only to take giant steps back.
That said, she’s still a slob and it bugs me. So, I’ve been reading up on ideas for working with her to get her and her life more organized. While she makes it to work on time every day and meets her obligations, it’s typically at the bare minimum. She sleeps too late in the morning before work and doesn’t have time for a shower; she forgets her lunch, her water bottle, and anything else she needed to bring with her; she steps over the garbage bag that she’s supposed to bring to the dumpster on her way out; she forgets to feed and water her cats; she forgets to leave me items I need, such as my credit card; and she leaves the refrigerator door open, all the lights on, the front door unlocked, and the flat iron on. The list goes on. It’s pretty clear she needs help getting organized.
While I’m not perfect and I often forget what I walked into a room for, I have a routine and my things are always neat. I always put my stuff away and know where to find the things I need at any given moment. My kids have always relied on me to make sure everything is where it’s supposed to be so THEY can find what they need.
Here’s what I’ve concluded and what I’m going to try to abide by…
LIVING SPACE
Avoid unnecessary struggles with your kid. In other words, don’t call them names like “slob” or “lazy,” or any other mean insults (do that when they’re not around!). That doesn’t help your relationship or their self-esteem. Teenagers are fragile here and so is your relationship.
Understand the way your kid thinks. Maybe there’s some “method to their madness.” It might not look like they have any order, but maybe in their mind they actually do. For example, maybe you sort your shoes from tallest to shortest, but they have theirs in a pile. Ask what they going for, and maybe you’ll find out they’re organized from most worn to barely worn.
Get them the materials they need. If they need bins, labels, boxes, whatever…provide them. There’s great deals to be had on stuff like this at Wal-Mart and Big Lots. Help them decide what goes where and how they might use these items.
Help them (if they allow you) to sort and decide. They might think all you want to do is give their stuff away. While you help them, explain that they are in charge of what stays and goes. Have boxes for sorting—one for stuff they want to keep in their room, one for storing away, one for throwing away, and one for donating. I did this with both my girls while we were packing for our move—and they were very receptive. They felt in control and I didn’t argue about one single thing they wanted to keep. I just prefaced the whole task with the phrase, “Be realistic,” and they were. Your job here is to keep the ball rolling and put the boxes where they belong.
TIME MANAGEMENT
Make a to-do list. You should sit down and do this together. Your kids don’t always realize how much is on this list. Teenagers are often very busy people—they’ve got jobs, car maintenance, chores, pets, school work, social obligations, etc. Some of them work well with a paper and pencil list, some with a feature on their phone, some with a daily planner. Decide what works for them and use it immediately. Divide the tasks according to category. Here’s what helps my daughters—when I write a daily list for them and leave it for them in the morning. It’s a fool-proof method in my house; however, the downside is that I’m organizing them. The trick is to get them to list their own tasks. I’m working on this, as I’m a natural list-maker.
Address procrastination like a grown-up. Don’t yell at them, talk to them about deadlines in the real world, due dates for bills, and how they’ll end up doing everything at once and having it cut into social time. They don’t like that one bit. It’s true that if you do a little each day, it doesn’t seem like such a burden. My daughters are natural procrastinators, but when they have a list and check everything off one at a time, they call me to brag about how productive they were. I’m all over that!
Provide fuel, comfort, and safety. This is where they’re still your babies. While they’re under your roof, you should provide them with good food, a clean home, a comfortable place to sleep, and safety. This is fuel for them physically, mentally, and emotionally—and can only help them be on track. I’m a busy single mother, so I don’t always have time to make a big production out of meal, and half the time we’re not home at the same time, but I do my best to make sure there are healthy foods, plenty of milk and water, and a warm, loving environment in which to live.
The rest of it—the following through, the eating of the good food, the taking time to sleep and shower—is all up to them!!!!
