Pages

5/23/18

The Visit


I have to use fake names here so it doesn’t sound like I’m telling a story to 2nd graders. Big sister Mary recently visited little sister Alice for a few days in her new city. I was aware it was happening, naturally from Mary. I was so nervous because I don’t want Mary to be hurt or disappointed, which has happened over and over again when she’s tried to reach out and have a “normal” sister relationship. I warned her to take care of herself and not be surprised if it’s not everything she dreamed of. It has nothing to do with love; Alice just has a lot of limitations and doesn’t possess the same tools of kindness, compassion, and care (unless it’s directed toward a cat). I didn’t mean to be so negative, but I’m very protective of Mary and don’t want any trouble.

It’s important to also say that I told Mary not to tell me a lot of negative things and that I didn’t want to know too much. I can’t handle any more bad stuff. I’ve been feeling very fragile lately for a million reasons, and I already can’t sleep.


Progress



My daughter has been in her new city for about seven months now, and she’s finally thriving. Not doing well financially—I admittedly help her pay her rent—but she has a job, a couple of friends, and doesn’t complain at all.

Before I go on, I need to defend myself for helping her with rent. If I don’t, she might:
  • End up homeless
  • Live in her car
  • Give up on life
  • Move home
Choice d is the worst one for me since I prefer that she isn’t in my line of vision. I love her madly and deeply, but it was hard when she lived here, knowing that I didn’t approve of her lifestyle and having the threat of seeing it in full color hanging over my head. She’s so far away that I’ll never see the bad behaviors, the mountain of cats and dogs, and the dirty housekeeping. She and her lifestyle are out of my face. I haven’t received an invitation to visit, by the way.