I have to use fake names here so it doesn’t sound like I’m
telling a story to 2nd graders. Big sister Mary recently visited little sister
Alice for a few days in her new city. I was aware it was happening, naturally
from Mary. I was so nervous because I don’t want Mary to be hurt or
disappointed, which has happened over and over again when she’s tried to reach
out and have a “normal” sister relationship. I warned her to take care of
herself and not be surprised if it’s not everything she dreamed of. It has nothing
to do with love; Alice just has a lot of limitations and doesn’t possess the
same tools of kindness, compassion, and care (unless it’s directed toward a
cat). I didn’t mean to be so negative, but I’m very protective of Mary and don’t
want any trouble.
It’s important to also say that I told Mary not to tell me a
lot of negative things and that I didn’t want to know too much. I can’t handle
any more bad stuff. I’ve been feeling very fragile lately for a million
reasons, and I already can’t sleep.