Sad Update, Part I

Time for an update. Daughter has been in Portland nearly four months, and she’s not doing great--not following through on all the promises to me and to herself. She’s as behind as an adult as she ever was, the difference being I can’t see it first-hand. We had a crisis, though, so I had to swoop in . . . again . . . and for what?

First the lies. Even though she’s 24, she still lies like a 15-year-old about everything. I know from her sister that her inappropriate boyfriend was living with her, at least until this past week. However, any time I asked about if she had a roommate, she said she was all alone.

Then a couple of weeks ago, she texted me and said, “I have a surprise for you. Will you be home tomorrow?” Obviously, she was in town and she was the surprise.

Undeliverable

Both daughters have been asked to be bridesmaids in their cousin’s wedding (dad’s side), which is a lovely honor. Their dad is responsible for getting them to Wisconsin for the nuptials—flight, hotel, and all that stuff. He hasn’t been a problem for me and we are amicable with each other, so I don’t mind when he texts me to get information about their e-mail addresses or phone numbers or dates they’re available or whatnot. I know they don’t always communicate very well with him—often ignoring him or disrespecting him in some way. I’ve tried not to speak ill of him, but there were times over the years when I was frustrated about money and probably crossed the line. But they really formed their own opinions, thoughts, and feelings about him without any influence from me.

Anyway, what I feel terrible about is that I know very little about our younger daughter lately, and don’t really know how to answer certain things. Today he asked a simple question—does she have a job? You know what? I don’t know for sure. I THINK she does, but sometimes I call her cell phone and she picks up or she answers texts on a random day when a working person wouldn’t be able to. She’s lied to me about nearly everything, so she could very well be lying about having a job. I’ve never checked up on her or stopped by the office. I just tried sending an e-mail to the address I assume she would have at that company and so far it hasn’t been returned. Maybe she DOES work there? All I could say to her dad was, “I hope so!”

It’s embarrassing (and sad) that she lives in my city—15 minutes away—but we sort of have no relationship anymore. She's isolated herself from me, her sister, her grandmother, and her father and tucked herself into the arms of who knows? For all I know, she’s broken up with the last guy I met (with whom she was living), and has moved one. I’ve tried calling and texting her, but get very little back about her life. She could be using, she could’ve moved, she could be a million things and I have no idea. I always used to pride myself on the fact that, with it all, I was close with BOTH my girls and he wasn’t. But I can no longer make that claim. We're now the same.

The e-mail message was returned as undeliverable, by the way. Whaddya know—she HAS been lying. Shocker.