Because my relationship with my daughter is pretty much nonexistent,
I truly don’t know if she is fighting an addiction. She’s done a lot of drugs
in her life, but she’s never been diagnosed with an addiction or been to rehab.
As far as I know, she chooses this lifestyle; it doesn’t choose her. There are
no addicts (that I know of) in my family, and I barely know anything about her
father’s family. She’s managed to work, drive, and function for years, even if
I don’t like how she lives.
There is a philosophy, however, that I first heard of when I
read Beautiful Boy, by David Sheff,
which has moved me like nothing else. It seems to be applicable to a host of
other issues you may be having with someone who continually brings you sorrow. My daughter may or may not be an addict, but she has caused so much grief from her behaviors and choices, I have come to internalize this message so I can live with myself.
Beautiful Boy chronicles Sheff’s life with a meth-addicted son, with all its hope,
sorrow, guilt, shame, rationalizing . . . . While I have little in common with the
dad (I’ve never used drugs and I don’t drink), the struggle to love a child who
continually sabotages their life is something I do relate to. The philosophy I’m
referring to is the 3Cs of addiction, which I’ve captured from this page: https://www.projectknow.com/mothers-find-strength-in-the-3-cs-of-addiction/. Here they are:
