Today is Wednesday and if it weren’t for being busy at work
with so many nice people, I’d probably be crying in the corner somewhere. It’s
hard to concentrate or give a shit about my work, but I’m 55 and have learned
to fake it like a pro. I’m a great phony smiler and laugher, and I’m experienced
at passing people in the hall with a hearty, “Hey, how ya doin’?” But inside, I’m
destroyed. I’m trying to be strong and put it all in perspective, but I can’t
seem to do it today.
It would help if my husband would apologize for being so
insensitive and stupid.
It goes back to 2 p.m. yesterday, when I called at our
scheduled time and my daughter once again ignored me. The last thing I said to
her was to be mindful of the time zone, since I didn’t know where she’d
be if she was going to be traveling back home. She said she automatically wakes
up at 9; otherwise, she doesn’t prepare herself for our calls. She knows I’ll
call on the dot. Even though that didn’t make sense, we had been texting awhile,
so I thought we were OK. I said, “Well, it’s not like I’m giving you homework.
No preparation needed except ‘hello?’” We had a few more pleasant exchanges
and she said she’d fill me in during our call.
I called right on the nose, as expected, and it rang 10
times before going to voicemail. I couldn’t help it; I felt my heart physically
sink. I realized I was taken again, my hopes were raised a few inches, and she
got what she wanted. Pretty much, it was money.
I had to consider what I’ve done again. I’ve allowed myself
to be hurt, disrespected, and duped. I keep thinking I’m smart and enter any
interactions with my daughter with my eyes wide open, but I get sucker punched
every.single.time.
