Big Sister Reporting . . .

My older daughter is back from an exciting and adventurous trip to South America and happier than I’ve ever seen her. She’s matured in magnificent ways and has such interesting stories to tell. I wish I had been keeping a blog about her all these years. I wish she’d keep a blog of her own.

Because of her joy, I was surprised that she would want to deal with her sister so quickly. In fact, she’s only been home for three days and she made plans with her usually contrary sister. They grew up close and I raised them the same way, with the same rules, and the same values. Little sister just had (has) a rebellious nature and went down a different road.

I was nervous about their meeting. I had ten conversations in three days trying to protect my older daughter from disappointment, frustration, and even disgust. I was also afraid that she would discover things were way worse than either of us imagined.

Remember the symptoms: extreme weight loss, alienation, intense attachment to the new guy, untruthfulness about working and living conditions, fighting with her father, more tattoos and piercings . . .

I pretty much tried to talk my daughter out of going, then modifying my objection to asking her to limit the number of hours—all in an effort to protect her from anything unpleasant. Big sister is pretty tough and has seen a lot, especially because of where she lives now, but she lives by a different code. She goes to school, has a variety of friends, doesn’t waste her time on loser boyfriends, works, gets involved, and is connected to her family. Her sister is very different and it can be upsetting and depressing.

We had one conversation about it that went very dark. She was sure that some new “bug bites” her little sister was complaining about were signs of meth use and that she was prepared for an intervention. Since big sister is one of the few people I discuss this situation with, I got emotional and scared. What if she were right? What if it was really bad? I truly don’t know what to do. I imagined a drug intervention where we’d have to take her kicking and screaming to a facility—and I’d need her dad because, well, I’m not her only effing parent, right? and my sister who wants to help in some way if she can (or at least she says so). I really got ahead of myself!

Fast forward to the evening. Big sister went to the apartment with some medicine I packed, and I didn’t hear from her for hours. I needed to go to sleep but couldn’t rest until I knew everything was ok. I texted, trying not to be a pain in the neck, but didn’t hear back so I texted again. I didn’t hear back on that one, either, so I texted little sister to see if her bug bites were any better (just an excuse to hear something from someone). She said they were still painful, but that her sister was still there. Finally, at almost midnight, big sister got back to me and I was able to rest.

Big sister took me to work this morning, so we were able to talk about the previous evening. It was a forty-minute conversation, but overall I got a good report. Here’s the gist of it (she = younger daughter; he = fiancé):

•          The sisters enjoyed being together and didn’t fight or have tension.
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•         They are good together—they get along, make each other laugh, and seem to care deeply about each other. He is protective of her.
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•          He’s reasonably intelligent and didn’t behave like a dick.
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•         His sense of humor is of a sexual nature (perhaps typical of young guys?).
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•         The apartment was a pigsty (typical of my daughter), but not drug infested.
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•          He is working as a tattoo artist, but he doesn’t have much talent.
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•          They are fine with money (she says).
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•          They have a female roommate who was okay, but a know-it-all who doesn’t know much.
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•         They live day-to-day, with not much ambition.
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•          She has bona fide bug bites, not sores from drugs.
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•          They can’t afford drugs other than pot, so there’s no suspicion there.
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•         She is so skinny that big sister suspects anorexia (something very unexpected at her age, especially since she’s always been heavy and it’s a younger person’s illness). We’ll have to watch this closely.
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•          She is really engaged.
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•         They are getting married on September 13.

Did you hear that? They’re getting married on September 13 at a justice of the peace. I wonder if I’ll be included? Haha, I won’t. She didn’t even tell me, so I doubt she’ll invite me. And why would they want to get married? I get it, they love each other, but what do either of them bring to the table and what will change or improve by being married at this age? Should I say something? Would they listen? I only have questions and not ONE single answer.

Well, I’m glad the two sisters had a good time together. That’s good, right?