My Daughters and Older Boys--What Does It Mean?

A good Sunday to report. I took my daughter and her “best friend” to a play: Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night. It was so enjoyable to share a cultural event with them, and remind them that there’s good drama that has nothing to do with the island they live on. We all thoroughly enjoyed the show and we went out for a lunch afterward and had a nice conversation.

At lunch, I just had to ask some pointed questions. I had noticed that during the show, he had his hand on her leg and she had her head on his shoulder, and when we walked out, they were arm-in-arm. Those are not the typical friend gestures. So I asked them pointedly, “What’s the nature of your relationship?” They stared at me for an entire minute! So funny. I ended up doing most of the talking. I don’t mind him; in fact, I think he’s great and I know they’re there for each other. I recognized that he’s good to her and cares a lot for her well-being. So I asked him, “You really like my daughter, don’t you?” He said, “Yes. I do. A lot.” I told him that I respect that very much and don’t blame him—after all, she’s lovable and beautiful and cares a lot about him. But I would like him to be patient because she’s still 17 and won’t be an adult for 6 more months, though she’s quite mature for her age. But, he’s 21. Could he wait? He said “Of course.” They didn’t have much more to explain to me, but their nonverbals told me that they are very close and might even love each other.

I do like him and am so glad someone cares so deeply for my daughter. I also appreciate that he’s polite and can speak intelligently. I also am grateful that his parents are still married and he loves his mother—meaning, he’s reasonably stable on the surface.

I know he’s had some trouble in the past—my daughter is vague about it, but I assume it has to do with recklessness—like accidents, drugs, or underage drinking. But when I see him, he doesn’t appear to be involved in any of those things (well, he’s 21, so it’s legal for him to drink and do a myriad of other things). I almost feel like my daughter is in good hands with this kid. I personally enjoy his company—I don’t think he’s particularly good-looking or has the ambition I desire in a son-in-law, but he brings out a nurturing side to my daughter that I didn’t know she had. She’s years and years and years away from getting married.

Funny how both my girls have boyfriends who are significantly older than they are. Big sister’s boyfriend is seven years older and little sister’s is three-and-a-half years older; yet, they both seem like they can handle it. I’m strangely okay with their choices because I look at who my girls are when they’re with their significant others. So far, they are themselves, just a little happier. My girls are naturally bossy and these guys adore them, so I don’t see any issues with them being controlled. I think, in turn, my girls feel more protected and safe with older guys—I guess it relates to their “daddy issues.” God, I hate that expression!