Rest in Peace, Stepdad---And Thanks for the Lessons

Our lives have been hectic. My stepfather died on June 5. He was 79 and in terrible health due to years of massive, addictive smoking. It caused him to have emphysema, heart problems, asthma, and a myriad of other problems. I believe he was on more than 15 medications, some of which he filled under my name or my mother’s name.  He mostly self-subscribed, as he was a doctor himself.

My daughter loved him very much and this was very sad for her—though I wouldn’t say traumatic. She’s generally doing well at work and with most choices, and has been an amazing help to my mother throughout this ordeal. She checks on her nana often and visits her, and generally keeps in touch. It’s especially challenging for this daughter because she’s not a very sentimental, nurturing, or even empathetic person, but she adores her grandmother and pushes past the difficulties.

We have a court date coming up next week for this daughter, and we’ve been prepping for it mentally. She has to show that the issues that are being addressed by the judge are the past and doesn’t reflect who she is now. We’ll bring in pay stubs, her driving school certification, and even her registration documents for college…

 
Yes! That’s what I said. She’s enrolling in the local community college (which is two minutes from our house)!! On her own, she arranged to take the necessary placement tests and will meet with an advisor in the next few work days. I’m proud of her—I wish she’d ask for my help, but I know her very well. She needs to do this on her own and I remain on stand-by to answer questions or pull out the checkbook. It looks like she’ll be attending classes starting at the end of August—college classes. She’d actually only be going into her senior year of high school had she not gotten her GED.

Another positive step she’s taken is joining a gym. My two daughters and I took inventory recently and noticed that we were out of shape and had put on unnecessary weight. So, instead of whining about it, we’re doing something. I bought both daughters and me a membership and we’ve already started using it. My older daughter uses her membership in California and her sister and I are here at home. We did our first workout yesterday, and plan to go three times a week for an hour each time. We made a realistic goal for ourselves. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that she’ll keep up with the plan and begin new, healthy habits. I want her to like the place and go on her own—of her own volition.

I think watching someone die is somewhat personal. The person kind of teaches you life lessons by being gone...their death makes you look at your own life, habits, accomplishments, hopes, dreams, and shortcomings a little more closely. I just know I don’t want my tombstone to say, “She was nice, she worked hard, and she wasn’t too fat when she died.” There’s more to life and I want my daughter to feel that way too.