Another New Daughter

So very long since I’ve written about my daughter—or about anything really. I’ve been in a slump, feeling like I’ve failed somehow. I helped my daughter through the pregnancy thing, and she was super motivated to try school again. I fell for it.

I paid for two classes, purchased the books, bought her a brand-new computer, paid for a subscription to Adobe Photoshop (which I can’t get out of), and gave her my undying support.

In the third to last month, she stopped doing her work and blew if off . . . again. She had decent grades before she quit doing it. I don’t understand.

As far as I can see, she’s not using drugs other than marijuana, for which she has a medical card (Lord, help me). Maybe it’s the boyfriend thing.

Long story short-ish. She had a useless boyfriend for a year. They broke up, he went out with someone else, they decided they couldn’t live without each other, they got back together, they didn’t get along, and they broke up again. She deleted his number and erased him from her life. Then she met a couple of other guys. Online maybe? I have no clue. The first one I met was very nice. He was athletic, had a job and a car, and was polite and very personable. The pièce de résistance? He didn’t have any tattoos.

I told her I liked him and to keep him. I should’ve kept my big mouth shut because he’s gone. She threw him away for the young man she’s with now. I’m sick to my stomach. It’s worse than any situation she’s ever been in, and she likes him better than any guy she’s been with.

·         Covered with tattoos (a licensed “artist”)

·         Has two daughters with a stripper (one child isn’t actually his) and is their caretaker

·         Has no car

·         Has no job

·         Lives in her one bedroom apartment

·         Is involved in a custody “thing” and spent the first time I met him texting his ex

·         Has disgusting teeth and clearly no money to fix them (also very skinny—sign of meth?)

·         Has less than nice manners

She said he’s wonderful. He did take care of her when she was sick and seems to be gentle and kind to her, but he is not what I had in mind. He’s got more problems than she does, is clearly lost, and headed nowhere. I can only hope she’s a good influence on him because I’m not convinced of the other way around.

Along with all of the above, her appearance has morphed once again. She still has the black hair, but now it has the ombre effect, with the alternate color being bright red. I actually like it and think it suits her . . . but she also shave one side of her head and got a tattoo on the exposed scalp. She’s also added some tattoos on her neck and on her face (instead of a “Monroe” piercing, she now has a permanent mark). Instead of regular gauges in her ears, she wears thick metal earrings in the shape of pistols that dangle down pretty low. Despite her startling physical adaptations, she’s still beautiful, and she’s lost weight so her figure is gorgeous—she’s got an hourglass shape like a pinup girl. Go figure—she’s like beauty and the freak all wrapped up in one.

On the bright side, my daughter seems to have a job that she’s ok with for now, is paying her rent on time and still has her apartment, and is making do without a car. She doesn’t ask for anything, so I’m letting her and her boyfriend figure stuff out—which is what she’s always wanted. She loves his children and apparently takes good care of them. Maybe her upbringing has helped establish a baseline for child rearing?

I don’t know how she got here or where she’s going, but I do know one thing—I love her no matter what. But I still pray for her (or is it for me?) every day.