Engaged . . . I Think I'm Going to Throw Up

Yesterday my daughter made a big announcement. She’s engaged. Her boyfriend got on one knee and proposed, and put a ring on her finger.

Falling in love and getting engaged are two very special events in a young girl’s life. Dreaming about spending your life with someone special is certainly normal and beautiful. I love that she feels these things after all she’s been through.

But my daughter is nineteen and her fiancé is twenty-three (I think). That’s too young and they have nothing. No money, no car, no education . . . the list goes on. I tried to call her just to get details and maybe parse out their plans, if they have any. But she said she couldn’t talk—actually, she texted a picture of her ring and wrote, “Can’t talk now.”

All I could say was congratulations and how romantic. I mean it and I think it is. I just don’t want this for her NOW.

I have always had so many hopes and dreams for her, and she hasn’t attained any of them. She doesn’t want to, even though she was brought up a certain way. I always emphasized education and culture and family and clean living, and she has nothing to do with any of it. Now that she’s an adult, I have no jurisdiction over HER hopes and dreams. Mine haven’t really changed (maybe I lowered my standards in her case), but she simply has different ideas. I just don’t understand how she’s okay with her life. When I was a teacher and a single mom struggling to raise my girls, I found ways to live well on the cheap. We went to plays and exercised and participated in sports and music programs and ate good food and went on trips and had parties . . .

It’s the strangest mixed bag of emotions. I’m happy for her because she seems happy and she feels loved, but I’m so disappointed in her choices. If she actually marries this guy, I just don’t know what I’ll do. I’m certainly not paying for a wedding for a nineteen-year-old girl!