Thinking the Worst Again

Yesterday was a letter day; today is a journal day. I’m feeling so many feelings over my formerly troubled teen—and now confounding adult—daughter. I need to express those feelings or I’ll cry and one of my coworkers will ask me what’s wrong and I’ll be embarrassed and my makeup will run and I’ll want to go home and I’ll get none of my work done and I’ll lose my job and I won’t be able to shop at Ross Dress for Less anytime I damn well please. Don’t be surprised if this post is a bit wonky and all over the place.

So back to my feelings. Between you and me, anonymous reader and/or just my journal post, I kind of deep down wish she would find a job in another state and be on her own and leave me be. Maybe call me once a month to tell me how great she’s doing, but not ask for anything and not have to be relied on to come through for me. There are days when I just can’t take it anymore and I have to pretend everything’s great. I don’t tell my husband these feelings because he would think I’m just joking or not the woman he married. I feel guilty, but it’s the honest truth. I have a hunch I’m not alone in wishing my problems (read: my daughter’s problems) would just disappear. I love her so much; I just don’t really like her sometimes. I would never choose her as a friend in real life.