Skinny Girl

I visited with my darling daughter, who now lives with her boyfriend. She says she loves him and he's good for her. (Read my last post to see why I beg to differ.)

Her appearance startled me, absolutely and utterly. She's still gorgeous and interesting to look at, and has all the new decorations and artwork; however, the startling thing was her weight. She's always been curvy and womanly--she's probably considered sexy and va-va-voom. Now she's skinny. Like 5'4" 110 pounds skinny (down from probably 150). 

I try really hard to shut it, zip it, not interfere, but I had to ask. "Why are you so skinny? I mean, your hip bones are showing. What is going on?!"

Her response? She's been "working out" and her boyfriend keeps her "on her toes." Oh, yeah? Since when does she work out? Since when does she get off the couch? I was very nervous, even though her demeanor was normal and calm, her skin looked beautiful, and she was in a sweetly good mood. She was wearing sunglasses, claiming that she had a migraine, so I couldn't see any red or puffy eyes. She's good at telling stories, so I can only look at the signs right in my face.

I'm a little baffled. Here's what I know:

• Dramatic weight loss
• Change in appearance for her new "look" (but takes good care of herself)
• Clear skin
• Lucid and articulate
• Happy and calm
• Filthy apartment (nothing new)
• Still has job
• Never asks for money
• Eats what I bring her
• More cavities than ever (something like 8)
• Texts me regularly
• Other than me, isolates from family
• Still smokes cigarettes and pot

What does it all mean? I can't find anything. Is she using heroin or cocaine? Diet pills or ADD medicine? Is she anorexic or are they so broke they can't afford food? I can't get it out of her, so I'm lost.

Help me, please.

My Best and Most Useful Post Yet

This is something I should read and reread like an affirmation daily. I realize that even though I'm an "expert" at having a troubled, pothead daughter, I missed (and still miss) so many of the signs. I might notice she's behaving differently, but I don't always string enough of the clues together. Am I in denial? I'm probably the queen of that region.

http://booboostotatoos.blogspot.com/2011/04/signs-your-teenager-is-on-drugs-what-to.html

Signs Your Teenager is on Drugs & What to Do about It

I can honestly say, I've been there, done that. Been through the drug ordeal with my daughter. Her drug of choice? Ecstasy. Lovely, huh? I was the last to know, too, because I was too trusting and extremely naïve. I never thought I would be someone who’d be so clueless—I’m smart, a former middle school teacher, and aware of the world. I just wasn’t aware of what was going on under my nose.

It’s a hard pill to swallow to think your precious child is mixing with the wrong crowd and doing something not only illegal, but deadly. It was difficult for me to accept, but I had to put in perspective. I am not perfect, and this could happen to any family—even the most law-abiding, religious, and hard-working. This is all very personal to me, and I’d like to share what I learned firsthand.

PHYSICAL SIGNS

• Sick more often
• Tired and sluggish
• Smell different—especially from smoke coupled with cover-ups like gum, mints, and mouthwash
• Red eyes
• Slurred speech
• Dilated pupils
• Sudden weight loss
• Dark circles under eyes
• Shaky hands
• Paleness/discoloration of skin
• Sores/burns/runny or bloody nose not due to allergies

BEHAVIORAL SIGNS

• Secretiveness, especially about their friend, activities, and whereabouts
• Lying
• Decreased motivation
• Sleeping too much
• Missing school
• Declining grades
• More argumentative/bad attitude
• Avoiding conversations with parents
• Make excuses (for oversleeping, being late, etc.)
• Stealing (from parents, grandparents, etc.) money, cigarettes, valuables
• Constantly needing money
• Missing work
• Losing temper/more impatient than usual
• Car accidents/reckless driving/speeding tickets

WHAT KIDS DO TO COVER UP

• Chew gum/brush teeth more frequently
• Spray perfume (my daughter’s big cover up)
• Spray air freshener in their cars and rooms
• Use eye drops even if they don’t have allergies or contacts
• Cover up with hats, big jackets, loose pants
• Make up stories
• Blame others
• Lie, lie, lie

WHAT YOU CAN DO IF YOU HAVE SUSPICIONS

• Snoop. Yep, that’s right. This is your kid—don’t feel guilty that you’re trying to protect them. Check their room, the pockets of their clothes, their car, and any nook and cranny that can be a hiding place. Look through their backpacks and purses, too.
• Don’t keep alcohol in the house and lock up your medicines. Why make it easy for them and why tempt fate? It’s like being their personal drug dealer. Be a good role model and get it out of their sight.
• Know their friends. Even if you don’t like them, find out their names, nicknames, and numbers. We all know forbidding your teenager from hanging out with someone will only draw them closer, but having too much information on someone makes them less “contraband.” Trust me, when you ultimately have to look for your child, it’s good to know who to call.
• Set up an alarm system. Not only does this help you know where your child is at night, but it prevents their riff-raff friends from coming in.
• Drug test them. This is tricky, as your teenager will put up a huge fight. You can get a kit at Walgreen’s for $20 that’s simple to use and easy to send out for testing. Be prepared for nastiness—which in itself proves they have something to hide. That’s my experience, anyway.
• Don’t give them money. If you think your kid is using drugs, do you want to fund their habit? That’s what you’re doing if you hand them $20 before a night out. You’re basically contributing to the delinquency of your minor.
• Don’t give up on your kid. You love them and, if you work hard, they will come full circle. Mine did. They need your love and support, and they need you to not have your head in the sand and be weak and ignorant.