Because of her joy, I was surprised that she would want to
deal with her sister so quickly. In fact, she’s only been home for three days
and she made plans with her usually contrary sister. They grew up close and I raised
them the same way, with the same rules, and the same values. Little sister just
had (has) a rebellious nature and went down a different road.
I was nervous about their meeting. I had ten conversations
in three days trying to protect my older daughter from disappointment,
frustration, and even disgust. I was also afraid that she would discover things
were way worse than either of us imagined.
Remember the symptoms: extreme weight loss, alienation,
intense attachment to the new guy, untruthfulness about working and living
conditions, fighting with her father, more tattoos and piercings . . .
I pretty much tried to talk my daughter out of going, then
modifying my objection to asking her to limit the number of hours—all in an
effort to protect her from anything unpleasant. Big sister is pretty tough and
has seen a lot, especially because of where she lives now, but she lives by a
different code. She goes to school, has a variety of friends, doesn’t waste her
time on loser boyfriends, works, gets involved, and is connected to her family.
Her sister is very different and it can be upsetting and depressing.
