I Am Two Mothers—Part 2 of 3

The mother with the troubled daughter is suspicious of anyone her daughter calls “friend.” Their experience has been almost entirely negative—the daughter plus any one of those friends equals raves, drugs, sexual activity, various illegal activity, curfew violations, smoking, drinking, and general badness. The friendships have not lasted, usually because someone has caused another to get into trouble, and the drama and hard feelings cause the flimsy bonds to disintegrate. The friendships are based on nothing solid—no emotional ties, no history, no common values. Her daughter has virtually no real friends because she can’t maintain the relationships beyond a brief amount of time.

The other mother tries very hard to ignore what is right before her eyes when she meets or hears about the new friends her daughter makes. If they’re from work—well, they have a job and ambition. If she met them through a friend—well, she has a nice social life and is meeting new and interesting people. If they’re older by three or four years—well, she’s always related to older kids; that’s why she graduated high school early. She didn’t relate to the average person at school.

The mother with the troubled daughter couldn’t stand the bad grades, the calls from teachers, the refusal to join anything at school, the failure to complete any program that was made especially for her from the guidance counselor. This mother couldn’t handle watching her daughter become depressed, isolated, and refuse help. This mother let her daughter get her GED at 16 so that they could all escape the torture in hopes that the daughter would be so grateful, that she’d fulfill her promise to get a job, save money, and generally be happier. Her daughter has a job, but is always at risk of losing it because of her behaviors outside work. She’s even been called into the HR department because she was suspected of being high on marijuana.

The other mother tells everyone that her daughter is gifted and school was moving too slowly for her. She was anxious to graduate, so she took online classes and graduated two years early. Her daughter does indeed have a great job and, of course, happily pays for her own car and insurance.