5 Great Books on Parenting Young Adults

How To Let Go... But Not Too Much

By Jackie Burrell, About.com Guide

Source: http://youngadults.about.com/od/parentinggrownups/a/lettinggo.htm

There's a sudden shift in roles when children grow up. Do you simply let go and shut up? Stay involved, no matter what 20-something wrath you invoke? And where's the how-to book, anyway?

Unlike the toddler parenting years, there aren't 4 million books out there on parenting grown-ups, but here are five good parenting advice books to add to your bookshelf:

1.    The College Years: Karen Levin Coburn's Letting Go: A Parents' Guide to Understanding the College Years is a top choice among freshman parents and beleaguered college deans. Coburn, dean of freshman transition at Washington University, and co-author Madge Treeger delve into how to reinvent the parent-child relationship, and how to encourage "independent decision making with an expression of support for whatever is decided." In other words, how to offer loving guidance without anyone throwing objects at your head.

2.    20-Somethings and Young Adults: Jane Adams' gently funny I'm Still Your Mother: How to Get Along with Your Grown-Up Children for the Rest of Your Life offers down-to-earth advice packaged under such irresistible chapter headings as “Maybe This is Just a Stage You’re Going Through” and “I Don’t Care What You Do, Darling, As Long As It Makes You Happy, and Other Lies Mothers Tell Their Children.”

3.    20-Somethings and Young Adults: Brandeis University's Ruth Nemzoff tackles family dynamics in Don't Bite Your Tongue: How to Foster Rewarding Relationships with Your Adult Children. The old dictum about letting go and shutting up may have worked back in granny's day, when lifespans were considerably shorter, but you and your adult children may have another half century together. Shouldn't it be in the context of a loving and supportive family relationship, rather than in the spirit of "I disapprove of your decisions but I'm going to zip my lip and ooze unspoken disapproval instead"?

4.    20-Somethings and Young Adults: Jane Isay's Walking on Eggshells: Navigating the Delicate Relationship Between Adult Children and Parents shares real-people stories and practical tips to demonstrate that even the smallest changes in behavior- how you communicate and how you relate to the other people who are important in your kids' lives - can make a big difference.

5.    The Entire Family: And finally, Georgetown University linguistics professor Deborah Tannen offers up I Only Say This Because I Love You: Talking to Your Parents, Partner, Sibs, and Kids When You're All Adults. Tannen explores family arguments, conversations and misunderstandings. It's not just the messages that count, she says, it's the "metamessages" - the words we say and the words they hear.