Softening My Attitude and Moving toward Forgiveness

My daughter has been in her new city for about two months now and I’ve softened my anger toward her about the way she left the condo. If you read my last post or two, you’ll learn that she used to live in a property my husband and I own and trusted her with. She claimed that she did her very best to keep it nice and clean and damage free, but when I went in to do a final clean up to hopefully re-rent the place, it was disgusting. I had a maid out twice, a carpet cleaner, and my own sweat and tears, but ended up having to replace the carpeting (on my dime) and the dishwasher, and then just give up and let my husband handle the rest.

Thank heavens the place was marketable and is now under contract with a new buyer. They’re complaining about it needing to be painted, but really nothing else. I truly don’t know how that happened, and when my husband says anything about the condo, I retreat into shame and rage, so he stops. I feel duped out of the money I spent on the down payment and the carpeting and the monthly cleanings, but it’s almost a price to pay to not have to deal with it anymore. Sad that I prefer to put my head in the sand about it, but it’s my survival.

I didn’t say anything about it to my daughter until recently. At first, I didn’t speak to her much because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to control my feelings and would damper her spirits for her new home. My husband supported that, reasoning that it wouldn’t do any good. She’s gone. It’s over. We’re moving on. But the other day she made a comment that she hoped I was glad about how nice she left the place, but was surprised that I didn’t find something to complain about. We were having pleasant text banter (we don’t speak on the phone; all our communication is via text messages), so to not kill it, I just said, Well—in the future be careful of the damage your animals do with their peepee and poopoo and claws. LOL. And I really wanted you to throw away that gross mattress.

The LOL makes everything lighthearted, right? LOL.

So she apologized and I decided to quickly change the subject. I just don’t think she’ll ever get it, so I figure it’s not my problem to face anymore and the stress of it eats me alive. Ragging on her only shuts down any relationship, and that would be worse. Besides, she lives 2,000 miles away and is too broke to come home. If I go to her city to visit, there’s no way I’ll stay with her; I’ll get a room in a nice hotel and stay calm. I can avoid her filth for the rest of my life.