Their Father Died

That's right. My formerly troubled daughter lost her 58-year-old father right after Valentine's Day this year. He died from a heart attack as he arrived home from the gym. It's enormously heartbreaking. I'm even sad even though I haven't seen him or talked to him for so many years. 

My daughters' already complicated and confusing lives are now much  more complicated and confusing. And they're no closer to being friends, or even civil with each other. 

The older sister was the first one called (and it was a very complicated situation that included me, but I'm taking myself out of the equation). She was hysterical, and after hanging up with me, she called her formerly troubled sister. FTS reacted in some kind of way (they both tell it differently), but the next thing I knew, she was blowing me off to fly to Illinois to "help" with the funeral.

She flew in with some half-sisters who live here (his daughters from a previous relationship), and then met up with her full sister and her three half-brothers. So, yes, seven children (one son he actually adopted when he married his mother, but since they divorced, I don't know if he's still considered a father? I don't know; not my life). The most interesting thing was that the mother of the youngest boy didn't know about some of the older children and hadn't met a number of the family members, despite being with him for a dozen years. 

It was very traumatic for my older daughter because she had been building a friendship with her father, but FTS, who felt a great deal of anger and resentment toward him, was less so. I'm sure it'll hit her later that she squandered a whole relationship with him and now has no chance to have one, and she'll need even more counseling than she does. However, she was happy to get to know her older half-sisters and reconnect with two of the younger boys, and meet the youngest one for the first time. She also got to see the family she knows much better than the one on my side, who accept her and love her no matter what (she's clearly not the worst one of the bunch). She met up with one of her best friends from here who relocated, and it was a positive experience for her. Getting off the phone with her vs. her sister after it was all over was fascinating. She was so happy to see everyone and feel like she belonged, while her sister said the complete opposite. They told the same events with completely different points of view. Older sister left two days early and younger sister wanted to stay longer. They didn't get along while they were together and haven't spoken since. 

Older sister is now in counseling--she wisely entered immediately. Younger sister went to her psychiatric nurse practitioner and changed her medication after she sunk into an inevitable depression. She knew she was in trouble when she couldn't wake up in the morning and was an hour late for work more than once. Since then, I've called her at 5 a.m. weekdays to make sure she's awake. That's been going on for about a month, and she's consistently picked up, until today. Sigh, not even an apology or a response to my message. 

I know she's fragile and vulnerable, but she's nasty and tough at the same time. She reels me in and keeps me on the line for a while, and then she throws me back. I work hard to move on with my own life, but it's hard when her issues are always on the back of my mind. I worry like she's a five-year-old. I worry that she'll be reckless and be hurt, or take her own life In my own selfish way, I thought when she lost her father, she'd somehow appreciate me even more and not take me for granted and reach out to me for every little thing. Eh, I know it's impossible. And I'm not even mad. Just maybe a little disappointed . . .