I take it back; my daughter is amazing!

It figures—after being so frustrated with my daughter and what she DOESN’T do, she goes and DOES something lovely that makes me forget all about it. She has the gift of a close, warm relationship with her grandmother, my mother, and she fully appreciates it—and yesterday , she showed it in all its glory.  

My mother, a passionate movie lover, invited me to see one of the film festival films with her. I begged off because I was just too tired, so I suggested she call my daughter on the off-chance that she would actually be interested. When I got home from work, I was pleasantly surprised to find my daughter singing in the shower, getting dressed for a night out with her nana. She was excited about it and in a great mood.

After the movie, she told me that not only did they love the movie and hanging out, but that they were attending another one the next night. She loved that the film was independent and intelligent, describing it as “dark humor.” Um, that’s a pretty high-level sentiment for a 17-year-old. My mother is over that moon at having a movie buddy, especially one she adores. She has always said that her granddaughter is intellectually gifted, and this is my mother’s chance to help my daughter develop that intellect with new experiences, analysis, and thoughtful discussion.

So the fact that her room was a mess and she walked right past the garbage that was waiting by the front door this morning didn’t anger me. I almost laughed when I saw it because, in my mind, she is on a pedestal for engaging her mind, extending love and companionship to her grandmother, and being responsible and valuable at work. At this moment, she can do no wrong. I’m not in denial, just very pleased. I would like to float on this cloud all day—think of the possibilities! Next she might be reading thought-provoking books, or asking to go to the science museum with me, or following politics and current events!!

Today I feel like a good mother with two exceptionally wonderful, brilliant daughters.

What about the other one? The child who makes me feel like a GOOD mother.

I’ve spent a lot of time talking and fretting over my younger child with all the problems, past and present. Sure, she’s been a major focus of my parenthood, and the subject of this blog, but I’ve realized that it’s not fair. Leaving my first born out doesn’t paint a complete picture of my mothering skills, my life, my younger daughter’s life, or our family in general. First born is the closest thing to an angel that you’ll ever get. When she was born, I swear, the heavens opened up and God’s chorus sang a medley. She was not only a beautiful baby, but she was calm and born with a smile on her face. Her big, sparkling brown eyes looked into mine and that was it. She was, is, and always will be a mama’s girl.

She now lives in the Bay Area of California, which just about kills me. It has been a good experience for her—something she needed to do to have freedom and independence, but the distance is difficult to get used to. It’s not even a year yet, but it feels like forever. She’s too far to visit by car, and I can’t afford to take frequent flights there from where I live. Since she moved away, I’ve only seen her three times for just a few days.

I’m thinking about it now because she’s home for spring break from school. She has such a big presence—from the moment she walks into a room, she fills it up with joy and love. I can’t explain it. I love having her near. We don’t need to do much—just running errands or eating together is peaceful for me. She’s open-hearted and tells me what she thinks, feels, does, and plans. I feel part of her life, not just navigating around it waiting for the ball to drop. Honestly, if she wasn’t my child, I would want her as my friend.

Besides just totally LIKING and LOVING my beloved older daughter, I’m soooo proud of her. She has come to know and appreciate her own gifts—her outgoing personality, her ability to talk to anyone (regardless of age or position), her fantastic sense of humor, her charm, her intellect, her beauty, and her capacity to love and be loved. She is a great student, a conscientious and responsible young woman, kind friend, loving daughter, hard worker…I have such faith in her and know she’ll be successful, well-educated, and have an interesting life.

Whatever I’ve done wrong to make my other daughter so rebellious against me, I am comforted by the fact that I have a child who tells me that she couldn’t imagine a better mother than the one she has!