Ah, Ah, Baby

So we spent the months of June, July, and August a mess. My formerly troubled daughter had to get one last thing on her bucket list: an abortion.

A few months ago, she started to complain about being really sick to her stomach, even vomiting all night. At first, I just thought she had eaten something nasty or caught something. But it kept happening. One day, I took her grocery shopping at WinCo. and she described some other symptoms to me that could really only mean one thing.

I bought a pregnancy test for her and we went into the bathroom at the WinCo. and, what do you know? It came up positive. We were in shock, thinking we read it wrong, so we did a second one. Yup, same answer.

She cried. I comforted. I told her to call her boyfriend and let him know they had some issues to deal with. She left a message and waited an agonizingly long time before he called her back. She cried through WinCo. as we shopped. But I didn’t condemn her for this. I couldn’t. I just needed to make sure she understood that she wasn’t going to have a baby. It wasn’t time, she wasn’t ready, neither of them are equipped, and it just wasn’t going to happen. The only answer was an abortion. As you can imagine, I’ve 100% pro-choice. Not a single second thought. Same for my girls. No way they’re ruining their lives with a baby. Children are too precious and need more than a couple of dumb, immature kids can give them.

My daughter finally talked it over with her boyfriend, and he was very supportive and caring. Good. They insisted on handling it themselves. Oy, not so good.

To make a long story short, it wasn’t until the end of August, when it was almost to the point of being illegal (it was past 20 weeks), that she finally gathered the $800 (earlier, it would’ve been half that) and the strength, and went in for the procedure. There was a lot of soul-searching, relationship reevaluating, arguing, crying, frustration, morning/afternoon/evening sickness in the weeks/months prior, but finally the day arrived.

The relief we felt (and still feel) can’t be measured. She dodged the bullet of perpetual poverty, depression, frustration, and a youth lost. The $800 (most of which came from her own bank account) wiped her out financially and emotionally. She fought with the boyfriend over what he was doing/not doing to help. Of course, she was very emotionally charged for those months and swears he’s an awesome boyfriend now, so I keep my mouth shut. They’re back to being stupid kids who just want to be in each other’s company. I’m pushing her to get herself on shots or pills, but I can’t make her do anything. I can only assume she’d prefer to NEVER go through this emotional, physical, and financial lynching ever again.  

Teen Mom Show is a Conversation Starter

I admit it, I’m a fan of reality TV, and I’m a regular viewer of Teen Mom. It’s not that I relate to that program, it’s that there but for the grace of God goes my family. I have two teenage daughters and my “troubled teen” began being sexually active around the age of 15 (that’s what she has told me, though kids lie and she has done quite a bit of lying). I’m glad that Teen Mom depicts how tragic being a teen mom is, instead of glorifying having “someone to love.” I follow the characters to see if there are any similarities in propensities to my kids. Do they have the same insecurities? Desperations? Blinders?

That said, I speak to my girls about sex and its consequences—emotional, physical, mental, medical, and procreative. Neither of my children are in any hurry to become mothers, having seen my struggles as a single mom even at my age. They like being young and having very few responsibilities. They couldn’t imagine the little money they’re able to earn as a teen going toward diapers and baby medicine and not Red Bulls and nose rings. They couldn’t imagine being up all night with a crying baby instead of having a sleepover with their friends.

I’m relieved that that’s their attitude, but I still put both kids on the pill as a precaution. Some parents would be horrified by my actions, but it’s frankly none of their business. I’m not religious, but even if I was, with all that we’ve been through in our family, bringing an innocent baby into the fold would be more horrifying. My girls, as wonderful as they’ve become, have a hard enough time taking care of themselves properly. My younger daughter is still working on being responsible for her cats and remembering to feed them.

So , the program is entertaining, but it’s also a good springboard for talking to your teenagers frankly about the ramifications of sexual activity. Do they want to work two jobs, quit high school, be up all night with a colicky baby, spend all their money on diapers and formula, isolate themselves from regular teenage life, be tired all the time, risk being lonely and having their relationships break up, feel angry and resentful, and derail their hopes and dreams?

For these reasons, I actually recommend the show Teen Mom. I feel sad for the characters and wish them well, but I don’t have much hope for them having fulfilling lives and I think most of those poor babies are doomed. Every day that my teenager daughters remain childless, I say “thank you” to my higher power and “you’re welcome” to my nerves!