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12/29/10

What I Worry About Now

Now that my girls are out of the house, I worry just as much as ever, but now I have new things to freak out about because I’m not with them every day.

I’ve always worried about their personal safety, but now it’s pathological. Whom do they associate with? Do they walk by themselves in the dark? Should I buy them pepper spray? Do they have a stalker? Should I buy them a taser?  Should I make them come home? Why aren’t they picking up or answering my  text? What if their phone isn’t working? Are the lying in a ditch? Should I hire a bodyguard?

I worry that they’re not eating properly. I’ve never been a gourmet cook, but we always ate healthily and there were always fruits, vegetables, and nutritious foods available. I cooked for them every day, and packed their lunches for school until the end of 8th grade—never let them touch the nasty school food. What if they’re living on the dollar menu at McDonalds? What if they’re eating nothing but ramen and Sunny D? Ugh! I can’t live with that!

Are their roommates bringing in riffraff? Do drug dealers or thugs think that my daughter’s apartment is a fine place to hang out? Would my daughters be able to throw out a bad guy or would they like him BECAUSE he’s “bad?” You know what they say about nice, sweet, pretty girls from the suburbs—they go for the guys with rancid tattoos and body piercings, who have been to jail and use incomprehensible street slang. Please no!

Are they going to end up pregnant? I’ve been the best method of birth control known to man thus far. If I’m around, no one’s doing anything! Are my girls smart enough to (a) not risk it and (b) at least use contraception? This is an area that we’ve discussed at length, so did they take it all in? Did all those frank  talks and my days working at Planned Parenthood mean anything?


So many worries, so little time!

Empty Nester? That's Me.

A few words about “empty nest syndrome.” Both my girls have now moved out and it’s definitely bittersweet. According to the myriad of articles on the Internet like these: http://www.life123.com/relationships/marriage/empty-nest/index.shtml, this is the time of my life when I’m supposed to get in touch with my special interests, hobbies, and totally begin a new chapter. But when you’ve been a single parent for nearly 20 years, this just isn’t going to happen overnight. My younger daughter moved out 17 days ago, and so far I’ve adjusted to how clean and good-smelling a home could be. I should’ve moved a little more slowly, however, because I have this clean environment and all I can think is, “So what?” I turned my older daughter’s room into a workout room and actually use it for that purpose, but again, “So what?” I’m still by myself!

Nothing really prepares you for how excruciatingly lonely it is when there are no teenagers around, eating all the food, leaving their shoes in your way, talking back to you, and snuggling up in front of the television while you watch The Wizard of Oz. I’ve been talking to myself so much, that I’ve started to talk ABOUT talking to myself! It’s very strange, I know.

What’s especially strange is that I dreamed about this day—looked forward to a time when there was no one arguing with me about cleaning a room, no one defying my rules and curfews, no kids’ behavior to worry about…now that day is here, and I look at all that other stuff fondly! Crazy!

I bet it’s like grief, this empty nest syndrome, with actual stages that I have to go through before I come out the other side. I’ll work on it.

How Did This Happen? Finally Good News!

I did have one incident in the past month with my younger daughter since the shoplifting thing, but thankfully, it really wasn't her doing. Her friend was driving on the freeway at a high speed and was stopped and investigated. My daughter and two teenage boys were in the car and everyone got checked out. The driver was found to have been drinking, speeding, and had several pot pipes in the car. She ultimately had her car impounded. The boys were clean. My daughter had a pot pipe in her purse that "wasn't mine!" Of course. I wasn't born yesterday and neither were the police officers, as I found out after I had to travel 45 minutes to the location at about 1 a.m. She ended up with a fine and a scare and we had a deep conversation on the way home--about her choices, her friend's un-friendlike choices, and so on.

My final statement, and what she heard loud and clear was, "If I'm ever called again by the police in connection with anything you've done...I'm not coming. I'm done."

OK, so since that night in early December 2010, she has turned 17. She also got a raise and a promotion at work, plus bonuses and awards worth almost $1000. They love her there and she loves her job. She has decided that she's going to focus because she likes the positive attention much better. She likes it better when we get along and wants to keep it that way.

My seventeen-year-old daughter now lives in her own apartment with two other roommates and she is so happy. Most people think I'm crazy for allowing it, but she's been handling it wonderfully. She pays her own rent, her own car payment, her own insurance, and her own upkeep. It has doen wonders for our rapport. We see each other every Sunday without fail--for brunch and then we spend the afternnon hanging out. We shop, go to the movies, and best of all--we talk! On this day, at this moment, I have the relationship with this child that I've always wanted. I like the idea of starting 2011 this way. I have an empty nest, but I'm now stress free!