What I Worry About Now

Now that my girls are out of the house, I worry just as much as ever, but now I have new things to freak out about because I’m not with them every day.

I’ve always worried about their personal safety, but now it’s pathological. Whom do they associate with? Do they walk by themselves in the dark? Should I buy them pepper spray? Do they have a stalker? Should I buy them a taser?  Should I make them come home? Why aren’t they picking up or answering my  text? What if their phone isn’t working? Are the lying in a ditch? Should I hire a bodyguard?

I worry that they’re not eating properly. I’ve never been a gourmet cook, but we always ate healthily and there were always fruits, vegetables, and nutritious foods available. I cooked for them every day, and packed their lunches for school until the end of 8^th grade—never let them touch the nasty school food. What if they’re living on the dollar menu at McDonalds? What if they’re eating nothing but ramen and Sunny D? Ugh! I can’t live with that!

Are their roommates bringing in riffraff? Do drug dealers or thugs think that my daughter’s apartment is a fine place to hang out? Would my daughters be able to throw out a bad guy or would they like him BECAUSE he’s “bad?” You know what they say about nice, sweet, pretty girls from the suburbs—they go for the guys with rancid tattoos and body piercings, who have been to jail and use incomprehensible street slang. Please no!

Are they going to end up pregnant? I’ve been the best method of birth control known to man thus far. If I’m around, no one’s doing anything! Are my girls smart enough to (a) not risk it and (b) at least use contraception? This is an area that we’ve discussed at length, so did they take it all in? Did all those frank  talks and my days working at Planned Parenthood mean anything?

So many worries, so little time!