One thing that has strengthened the relationship between my formerly troubled daughter and me is a regular Sunday brunch together. No matter what, we clear time on our calendars to spend time together. It doesn’t matter if we’re super tired, have a cold, have PMS, or anything else, we make it happen. I’m very proud to say that my daughter initiated this practice, and it has been going strong for several months. She adamantly tells her friends and roommates not to bother her because she’s with her “mommy.” You have no idea how much I love this.
Our time together has morphed from a simple plate of pancakes with a little light conversation to spending hours together—talking, laughing, really getting to know each other. She tells me about “real” things going on in her life, in her mind, and in her heart. The way she’s conducting her life on her own is something for me to be proud of, and I frequently hear my thoughts and philosophy coming out of her mouth. She tells me she’s lucky to have had life training from me because she’s finally putting it to use and it works.
Yesterday was our first Sunday brunch of 2011, and of course the topic of changes and resolutions came up. I don’t need to do much talking, Sunday brunches are her forum for expressing herself. As long as I don’t chime in too much, she tells me everything. I’m so proud of her aspirations for the new year; for one thing, she plans to stay out of trouble. The trouble in 2010—tickets, accidents, fines, car repairs, etc. cost her more than she earned. She owes me over a grand, so she certainly feels it. She has learned not only the value of a dollar, but how hard it is to earn that dollar. She works hard, and that includes the getting up, getting dressed, getting to the office, getting through the day with a good attitude even if she’s in a foul mood, and making a positive impression. After all, she must keep this job—it pays for her past indiscretions and will allow her to continue to be self-reliant. She has also realized that being in trouble costs her her self-respect and dignity.
She is now looking into colleges, which makes my heart skip a beat. She has a distinct plan, and I’m very proud of her for that. Though I’m an educated person, she doesn’t want to necessarily follow my path or that of her sister. She will become an educated person, though, and understands that going to college is much more than just attending a bunch of classes.
She has her own road to travel, and she’s thought it through and I respect that. I have learned that each person is different and I can’t make her be who I think she should be, I have to embrace who she is. Since I’ve been able to do that and look at her without a critical eye, I’ve found that I have a very special daughter, with her own gifts and her own struggles. We are strong women in our family, and if I let her be herself, she can be strong, too. Maybe her life of being a follower is behind her and she ready to lead a better existence, beginning in 2011.
No comments:
Post a Comment