Going in Circles

So one day I got a text message from my daughter that she would “answer all my questions,” but used some cryptic wording that got under my skin. I have a lot of questions for and about her on a regular basis, but in the interest in keeping a relationship, however thin, I hold back. Because one of the words she used was “rough,” I got nervous and couldn’t take it, so I called her. And she answered!

She told me she had the accident situation under control, work is OK but she’s looking for a better job, she has a new boyfriend—some coworker (actually underling) with a six-foot beard, and will stick out her lease for the remainder and find a more affordable place far from city center. She even admitted that she works in a marijuana dispensary and likes the industry—just not her boss, who’s prejudiced. I tried to be positive and encouraging and listen more than speak, and it was great to talk to her. I told her I would have a project for her in the next few days, and we ended on a good note.

But she called me a few days later, distraught and crying out of frustration that she just didn’t know what to do, that everything was going wrong, that work sucked, that she really tries to get it right.

We talked for quite a while ago and I was able to calm her. I guess I treated her like an adult and she acted like one. In most cases now, I can help her but it’s certain that I can’t fix anything.

She’s clearly, for once, not the one at fault for this accident and the insurance company is giving her the customary hard time. So to help out, I called an attorney in her city—just chose one whose website said the right stuff—to see what my daughter’s options are. Her car is a mess and she’s probably hurt more than she knows, and she’s young and poor. I got the head cheese and his main paralegal on a group call, and they were nice and reassured me that she might just have a case. They had some questions that I couldn’t answer, and I didn’t want to mention that she was uninsured herself that day. Anyway, they said even if they didn’t take her case, they had good advice for her. I felt very hopeful and texted her their contact information. She said she’d call on her next day off—as she was doing a double shift that particular day.

So it’s nine days later, we’ve definitely been in contact because she did some work for me, but she hasn’t mentioned anything. I nagged only once (OK, maybe twice), but she just sends me “I love you” messages with no other content.

If you’ve been reading my posts, you know as well as I do that she never called, she’s still driving her now wreck of a car, and she’s spending her time with a new loser boyfriend instead of taking care of her shit. It’s not in my face, not my problem, not something I can change—but I still feel uneasy and sad. I want her to move forward so badly but she's still going in circles. I know she can do it, but why doesn’t she?