Our next Tuesday call came, and she said she wanted to share
her big plan with me. However, she couldn’t speak freely because her roommate
was there and I’d have to wait. Ugh, so frustrating. My husband and I were
waiting to hear that she was moving back home, and we could help her get a
restart in her life. He lives for that shit; I’m pretty much over it.
So I looked forward to that next call. In the meantime, I had
some health issues—some weird test results showing liver masses and an elevated
RA measurement—and there was no answer for it all. When we got in touch, I
started with that, my reasoning being that she’s an adult and I could be honest
with her. She ended up crying and saying how much she misses me and was sorry
for being so much trouble. She said it made her decision to come home all the
more solid, so she could be by my side.
Then we went into her plan. She found an apartment here at home in
another part of town, had a job prospect, and would start school nearby. She
was going to fulfill her current lease and take until the end of the month to pack and
get ready to come home. Once home, she’d definitely make sure she went to the
doctor, dentist, eye doctor, and gynecologist. She’d stay on her ADHD medicine
and start thinking about having a solid career. She might even be able to get
her old job back—they’ve asked her to come back to a position in sales.
I was pretty happy to hear all this—it sounded so great, so
sensible. There are more prospects for her here, plus her family (me) would be on-hand. I
checked in to make sure she wasn’t coming just for the boyfriend (though that’s
undoubtedly a big factor, and was a factor that ran her out of town in the first
place), but she said she was making this decision because it was best for her.
She had some loose ends to tie up, but would let me know how it was going.
The next Tuesday was on its way, and on Monday, she asked to
switch our phone call to Wednesday because she had so much to do. She then sent
me information on a new apartment, but not here, THERE. So I realized that she
changed everything. She did it again. I figured it had to do with the
boyfriend.
We talked on Wednesday (January 9, 2019), and she admitted
he was being a jerk, ghosting her, and she was responding by being a “crazy
chick.” He was ghosting her and it was pushing her buttons, the ones only he
can push. Because of that, she changed her plans to something so ridiculous, I
was totally taken aback. The plan is for her to move to a suburb of her current
city with a new roommate who has a good, stable job in a cannabis store, and to
get a break on her half of the rent, she will trade cars with the roommate. Hers
is a nice crossover from 2007 that she’s put a lot of work into; his is an old
beater van that probably needs mechanical work and a paint job. She
rationalized that she’ll be going to school and it’s close by so she won’t need
to drive much. I asked when school started, and she said, “I don’t know. Maybe
next fall.” What a fool. Between my obvious disapproval and my increase in
questions, she started to shut down and the call was over.
I was a milquetoast during the phone call, but after
absorbing what she had told me and venting to my husband, I knew I had to say
something. Hubby wanted me to call immediately, but she’d never pick up the
phone twice in two days. Instead, I wrote her a very long text message, which outlined
my belief that she was again going backward, making decisions like a desperate
person, and confusing herself. I recommended she come home, and use her
excellent, marketable skills to get a decent job, while attending school and
getting family support.
Other than a text from her with a picture of a fortune from
a Chinese cookie, I’ve had no response to that message. We’re slated to have a
call today. I wonder if (a) she’ll pick up and (b) she’ll address what I said.
UPDATE: She blew me off.
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